As people reach middle age, many begin to question whether their lives hold
meaning and purpose. This introspection often coincides with a realization
that daily routines consist largely of work, eating, and sleeping. The midlife reassessment frequently prompts individuals to evaluate their contributions to society and their personal relationships, seeking a deeper sense of fulfillment.
Two books published in 2026 explore the human need to feel
that our lives matter: “Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep
Connection and Purpose” by Jennifer Breheny Wallace,
and “The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and
Divides Us” by Rebecca Newberger Goldstein. These works look into the psychological and philosophical underpinnings of why humans crave significance, offering insights into how individuals can reaffirm their importance in an often chaotic world.
How to Gauge a Meaningful Life
In “Mattering”, Wallace outlines
five ways to measure the meaning in one’s life. She argues
that people want to feel their actions have value and that others would be diminished by their absence. Wallace emphasizes that mattering is not just about personal fulfillment but also about the tangible impact one has on others, supporting a sense of interconnectedness.
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Friendships also affirm one’s importance. When people
prioritize spending time together, they demonstrate mutual value. Attunement—feeling understood and responsive to others—is
another critical aspect of mattering. This emotional resonance strengthens bonds and creates a support network that enhances individual and collective well-being.
However, technology can interfere with these connections. Remote work and virtual interactions may increase feelings of
isolation, making it harder to perceive one’s impact. The lack of physical presence and non-verbal cues in digital communication can diminish the depth of relationships, leaving individuals feeling disconnected despite being constantly connected.
The Role of Self-Promotion and Mentorship
Wallace introduces the concept of Ego
Extension, emphasizing the importance of self-promotion in
professions like law. Lawyers must demonstrate competence and build trust to
advance their careers and retain clients. This self-advocacy is not merely about personal gain but about establishing credibility and reliability in a field where trust is vital.
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Goldstein, in “The Mattering Instinct”,
argues that life’s goal is to resist entropy by creating systems that support
flourishing. She identifies four mattering strategies:
Socializers focus on connections, Heroic
Strivers embody their best qualities, Transcenders
prioritize higher values, and Competitors seek victories over
others.
The Impact of Technology and the Need for Human Connection
The SOURCE emphasizes that while technology offers convenience, it can interfere with attunement—the ability to understand and respond to others effectively. Missing out on facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice during virtual interactions can hinder the development of deep, meaningful relationships. By investing time in genuine, in-person connections, individuals can mitigate these effects and strengthen their sense of belonging and purpose. Prioritizing quality over quantity in interactions helps build more authentic and lasting relationships.
Cultivating Relationships and Daily Meaning
Both Wallace and Goldstein highlight the importance of cultivating relationships as a means to affirm one’s mattering. By showing others that they are valued, individuals inherently reinforce their own sense of importance. This can be achieved through mentorship, informal relationships within organizations, and intentional efforts to build friendships. For lawyers, in particular, these actions not only benefit personal well-being but also enhance professional effectiveness and societal impact. Strong relationships create a network of support that amplifies individual contributions and supports a sense of collective purpose.
